Finally accepting my faults in a bad situation is really helping me see things in such a new light, it's amazing. I feel powerful now. It's really hard to explain.
I have played the victim way too much in my life. But I wasn't the victim in 90% of the situations. Although I am ashamed to have done that, I feel great now for recognizing my faults.
I plan to everyday think of a situation that hurt me (for as many days as it lasts) and write an apology letter for my faults. Sure I may not give it to them, but it could help me a lot more to let go of that pain.
So today I will start with my husband David.
Dear David,
You are such an amazing husband and I'm so sorry I haven't acknowledged it before. You do all you can to provide for our son and I and I'm so thankful. Without you I wouldn't have all the things I have. I wouldn't have the luxury of staying home all day while you were out working.
I'm sorry about everything. I'm sorry about this monster I became with my depression. I'm so sorry. Words can't describe how sorry I am.
Every time you tried to get close, I pushed you away. You didn't deserve that. I put all the blame on you. It wasn't your fault I was depressed. It wasn't your fault I miscarried. You're not a horrible husband or father. You're a wonderful person. I'm so sorry I didn't see that before.
You deserve the world David. I'm sorry I can't give that to you, but I can only hope my heart will be enough.
As long as I live I will make it up to you. I will never treat you the way I did ever again. I'm so sorry I made you feel like complete shit. Instead of doing that I should've just told you what I wanted, but instead I yelled at you, called you names, and tried controlling you. I went about it the completely wrong way and for that I'm sorry.
I love you with all my heart, every single fiber in my body.
Love,
Your wife(:
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