Honestly, nothing can 'make up' for him cheating, but I guess I am starting to understand it.
I have so many faults in our broken relationship and I've been blaming them ALL on him. I've been trying to pretend I'm perfect in our relationship and he's the fuck up, but he's not. We're both fuck ups.
I didn't realize half of the shit I was doing that could hurt him, or that did hurt him. I feel so guilty. How can I treat someone I love so badly? I've let my depression bring out the worst in me, I've become and entirely different person. He didn't cheat on ME, he cheated on the monster I had become.
I'm really starting to think about working it out. I want nothing more than for my son to have a family. I want nothing more than to have my family. I would give the WORLD to go back and erase our past, to erase all the bad and to start with the good.
David didn't deserve the way I was treating him. He has done nothing but try to provide the best for our family. I hope I can move forward from this. I want to trust him again, I want to feel close to him again, I want to find the us that we were. I know that's still there somewhere.
Hopefully with this step, we can get this relationship back.
So now, with this blog, I will not only focus on the physical changes that I am trying for, but the emotional and mental changes as well. I want to be the person I was. I know she's in me somewhere. I just need to find her again.
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